When God Made a Father

When God Made a Father

by Erma Bombeck

When the good lord was creating fathers, he started with a tall frame.

And a female angel nearby said, "what kind of Father is that? If you're going to make

children so close to the ground, why have you put Father up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping?"

God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, whom would children have to

look up to?"

And when God made a Father's hands, they were large and sinewy.

The angel shook her head and said, "Large hands can't manage diaper pins, small

buttons, rubber bands on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats."

And God smiled and said, " I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small

boy empties from his pockets, yet small enough to cup a child's face in."

Then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.

"Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap?" the angel clucked.

God said, "A Mother needs a lap. A Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, to

balance a boy on a bicycle, or to hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had never seen when

the angel could contain herself no longer. "that's not fair. Do you honestly think those

large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk though a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"

God smiled and said, "they'll work. You'll see. they'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes

that will be a challenge to fill."

God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm, authoritative

voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an

afterthought, he added-tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now, are you

satisfied that he can love as much as Mother?"

And the angel said no more.


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